My worst memories were never being allowed to use the restroom in public. I have memories as young as 3 having to use the bathroom really bad in a public place and being told I had to hold it until we got home. I would then be threatening with a spanking if I didn't be quiet. I remember my dad holding me in his arms and telling me to hold it and not think about it. This was happening all while I was crying in total agony. This lead to me wetting my pants a few times and as punishment I got spanked. I would then be made to stand in the corner or made to kneel in uncooked rice for several hours when we got home. This fear made me keep it in no matter how painful it was. I was also randomly made to hold it at home and was told it was to teach me discipline. I had to stay still and couldn't touch myself down there. I had to act like everything was normal. I couldn't use the bathroom at church or any other public place until we got home. If we went on a trip I had to wait till we got to the hotel or the house we were staying at. Even when arriving I was sometimes told to wait a bit and not be rude. Even when visiting other people's home I wasn't allowed to go as using other people’s bathrooms was rude. I sometimes had to wait all day before I was allowed to go and even asking would get me in trouble. I would be in so much pain and agony, but my parents didn't even care and would tell me things like "holding it builds character". Sometimes my bladder would feel like a hot poker was being stuck in it. It was a very painful stinging sensation that would consume my whole body. Everything I saw and heard would be overwhelmed by the sensation, but I had to act like everything was ok. I was also forbidden to use the bathroom at school and my mom would follow me to the bathroom when I got home to make sure I did a nice long pee. If I didn't she would accuse me of going at school and would make me hold it the rest of the night. I became so fearful of public restrooms I didn't even want to use them after awhile. So many of my memories away from home were distorted by having to urinate so badly. I would start to cry knowing it would be several more hours before I could go. I was sometimes brought to a toilet if we were out a really long time, but as I got older this was less and less common. I was never allowed to go outside.